Ukrainian culture is by no means monolithic, nor does it encompass only ethnic Ukrainians: it includes other traditions, such as those of the North Azovian Greeks — Urums and Roumeans. These people (with their heritage and two languages) originated in Crimea but were banished to the North Azovian region as a part of the colonial policy of the Russian Empire in 1778-1780. Since then, settlements of Urums and Roumeans have stretched from the Azov coast in the south to the Vovcha River in the north, from the Kalmius River in the east to the Berda and the Mokri Yaly Rivers in the west. Unfortunately, most of these territories are under occupation, and some of the settlements are on the front-line; being in the combat zone, they are now almost destroyed.
Over the past century — along with the changes in people’s way of life and as a result of cruel repression by the Soviet authorities — the North Azovian Greeks, and their attitude to their own languages and traditions, have changed a lot: a significant number of ritual elements have been lost, songs and dances are disappearing with the eldest generation, and their native languages (Urum and Roumean) are gradually becoming forgotten. For me, it is important to participate in the preservation and revival of this culture and introduce it to as many people as possible.
One habitual North Azovian Greek pastime, which has ancient roots, is coming up with anecdotes about the inhabitants of neighboring villages. Often, their central characters are two men, Yura and Spira, who are godfathers to each other’s children. Here’s a typical example:
Spira and Yura are going to the city market.
S: Yura, let’s walk — young oxen won’t move unless they’re driven.
Y: Oh, come on, we’ll make it there somehow.
Yura mounts the ox cart while Spira walks with the oxen, restraining and guiding them. Slowly, they approach the city.
S: Oh, the oxen have worn me out!
Y: See, and you wanted to walk!
Spyrydon (“Spira” for short) and Heorhii (“Yura” for short) are two of the most popular names among North Azovian Greeks. Or maybe, long ago, Spira and Yura really lived. In Yalta (Donetsk region), for instance, they say that Yura and Spira dwell in neighboring Urzuf (while people there say the pair live in Yalta); in Velykyi Yanisol, meanwhile, they believe that Yura and Spira are native to Kamara.
Some anecdotes are based on real-life situations that arose as a result of linguistic blunders, because until the middle of the 20th century a significant number of North Azovian Greeks had a limited grasp of both Ukrainian and Russian:
Yura was selling a nanny goat at the market. She was a good nanny goat: she gave almost 5 liters of milk. But Yura was having trouble remembering the word “almost.” So, to answer the question of how many liters of milk the nanny goat gave, Yura said: “Although she wishes to give five liters… but well… she can’t!”
* * *
Y: Spira, where are you going?
S: To the market, to return something!
Y: What’s the matter?
S: I bought a suit, and it’s high!
* Here, Spira uses the word “high” (ukr. “vysokyi”) instead of “long” (ukr. “dovhyi”).
* * *
Y: Spira, which kind of coal do you want me to bring? The one that smokes a lot? Or hard coal?
S: It’s of no use to me.
* Here, Spira uses “of no use” (rus. “bespalezna”) instead of “makes no difference” (rus. “bezrazlichna”).
Similar anecdotes arose from random linguistic coincidences — between words from the native languages of the North Azovian Greeks, on the one hand, and phonetically similar vocabulary of the Ukrainian or Russian language, on the other:
Two ox carts are trundling down the road: Spira is in the front one, and some Ukrainian is in the one behind. The Ukrainian shouts to Spira: “Spira, kolisa!” Spira pays no attention and continues straight on, without turning. The Ukrainian shouts again: “Spira, kolisa!” All of a sudden, a wheel flies off Spira’s cart. They both stop. The Ukrainian says: “Spira, didn’t you hear me shouting to you — kolisa!” Spira answers: “But I did keep going straight on, didn’t I?”
* Spira thought that the Ukrainian had shouted “kol ísa”, which means “drive straight on” in the Roumean language and “wheels” in Ukrainian.
* * *
Yura hired a Ukrainian to mow some grass in return for a plate of borsch. When the Ukrainian was reaching the end of the lawn he shouted to Yura: “Hey, vary!” Yura answered: “Would I have hired you if it wasn’t vary?”
* In the Roumean language, vary means “difficult”, while in the Ukrainian language it means “start cooking”.
* * *
Spira lived in Yalta, right on the seafront, but he never succeeded in renting a room to tourists because if somebody asked him whether he had a room to rent, Spira answered: “Nie! Nie!”
* In the Roumean language, nie means “yes”, while in colloquial Ukrainian, it means “no”.
* * *
S: Yura, lend me some sunflower seeds.
Y: I would but they have returned.
* In the Urum language, the words for “return” and “got wet” sound similar, so Yura used the wrong one.
* * *
Y: Spira, why does it say “03” on the side of the ambulance?
S: Beware of the sick!
* 03 used to be an emergency number and can be confused with the Cyrillic letters О [О] and З [Z]. In a language mix-up, Spira uses the Ukrainian word for “beware” (oberezhno) and the Roumean word for “sick people” (zabun).
Below is a collection of anecdotes that have long been attributed to Spira and Yura; however, they are based on real-life comic events:
Spira was trying to shack up with some woman, but it never worked out. Spira would come to live with her, leading his cow on a rope and pulling a wheelbarrow with his pig, and then he would return home with both of the animals. This happened several times. So, as soon as Spira reached for the rope, the pig knew what to do and jumped in the wheelbarrow by herself.
* * *
Yura had loaded hay onto the wheelbarrow untidily, and it kept falling off along the road.
S: Yura, abre, who loads hay like this! There is none in the middle, and there are no neat corners!
Y: It’s not a turta, to have corners!* Turta is a traditional dish — a puff pastry pie with meat or pumpkin filling.
* Abre is an exclamation that translates approximately to “come on!”
* * *
Spira and Yura wanted to kill an ox, but they left the knife on the table. Instead of quickly going back to fetch it, they started dragging the ox towards the table.
But most of the time, the anecdotes recount fictional comic situations — new fairy tales, fables, or parables were devised at social gatherings as well.
S: Yura, when you buy a watermelon, how do you know whether it has a thick rind?
Y: You have to cut out a little triangle and check.
S: And when you’re buying a pig for slaughter, how do you know if it has a thick layer of fat?
Y: Likewise!
* * *
S: Yura, when I was in the army, I saw cows as big as this house!
Y: And when I was in the army, I used to play the drum. And the drum was as big as this house!
S: Wow, where did they find skins for a drum like that?
Y: It’s obvious now — they got them from those cows!
* * *
S: Yura, they say your milk never turns sour. How so?
Y: It’s because I take my cow to the cellar, and only then start milking.
* * *
On his way to the shop, Spira sees Yura digging a pit in front of his gate.
S: Yura, what do you need a pit for?
Y: I need a passport photograph, but only my head and shoulders.
Spira is on the way back and sees Yura digging a second pit near the first one.
S: Yura, why on earth do you need another pit?
Y: Because they need two photographs!
Some anecdotes have been preserved since Crimean times: this is known because similar stories are also current among the Crimean Tatars. For example:
One night, Yura came to the well to fetch water. He looked down, and there was the Moon! Yura was afraid that the Moon had fallen into the well. He took a rope with a hook and threw it into the well to catch the Moon and pull it out. The hook fell to the bottom and got caught on a stone. Yura pulled and pulled but to no avail. Then he pulled as hard as he could, and the hook snapped off. Yura fell on his back and saw that the Moon was back in the sky. Yura lay there, looking up at the sky, and was glad that he had saved the Moon from the well.
* * *
Spira and Yura spent the night mowing thick fog and stacking the swaths into huge piles. In the morning, they went out to look at the piles — but they were gone, melted by the sun.
* * *
A village hired Spira and Yura as shepherds. It was a large flock; the sheep were of different breeds and thus had different-colored coats. One day, Spira and Yura saw wolf tracks and realized that several white sheep were missing. After mulling it over, they came to the conclusion that wolves only steal white sheep. Spira and Yura spent the next day painting all the sheep black.
The following anecdote was also probably brought to the North Azovian region from Crimea since camels were often kept in Crimean households:
Spira’s camel kept coming into Yura’s field. Spira didn’t react to Yura’s remarks on the matter. One day, Yura had enough: he knocked the camel over and dragged it prone across Spira’s entire field.
I have been collecting North Azovian Greek anecdotes for several years. Jokes about Spira and Yura are widespread not only among Urums and Roumeans but along the entire Azov coast of the Donetsk region. In Ukrainian villages there, one can often hear the same folk anecdotes being retold.
Lastly, I wanted to transform some of them into poems — below is a snippet from this small collection.How fond are North Azovian Greeks
of delicious chebureks!
And chebureks from Buhas
are known all over Donbas!
What is the source of this plenitude,
in Buhas, of this blessed food?
It’s time for you to learn the truth,
the burning itch that I must soothe.
The village keeps its secret well —
it is no hogwash, I must tell,
for there, as far as eye can see,
chebureks grow on every tree.
In summer, the people of Buhas
pick chebureks from branches and grass.
Spira and Yura take good care
and even pickle them in barrels!
* * *
North Azovian Greeks are salty!
To deny it would be naughty.
Greeks from Styla are renowned
as the saltiest around.
With my own eyes, I saw
Spira and Yura sowing salt,
for when it grows in fields like carpets,
they reap and sell it at the market!
* North Azovian Greeks are called “salty” because of the age-old custom of sprinkling salt on newborn babies.